Dealing with Negative Naysayers

What do you do when you are finally starting master the art of positivity, but still can’t get away from the wrath of conflict bullies and emotional bloodsuckers? Should we get rid of them? I mean not hang out with them? No, really we should be learning to live in harmony. You know the person, no matter how much advice they reach out for they never take it. The person who can’t wait to see you so they can make conversation that begins and ends in their self-created drama. Here is a term for you (Self Created Chaos or SCC for short). We can’t walk around with earplugs!
Hey it is impossible to live in a world of no negative and all positive. We can’t avoid conflict, drama and stressful relationships. Do we put on that emotional armor, so we can get to a better place and reach our goals? No that isn’t going to happen and shouldn’t, the best part of life is how imperfectly perfect it is. Try taking a new approach when conflict arises with that friend, neighbor, sibling or spouse;) Imagine they don’t have, what you have to deal with conflict, they do not think like you and they see the world totally different than you do. I know it’s hard to imagine!
You are the only person who sees things through your eyes. Before you pull that “I want to win card”. Step back from your usual way of thinking and you may see things differently. Your life has had many twists and turns. So has theirs. Maybe that argument or fight with your coworker isn’t about what has happened on the job. Maybe they are having financial problems, or blowing off steam in your direction due to your success at work? Seek to understand about yourself through the problems you have with others. Then you will be less reactive and more proactive when conflict arises.
What about those people you expect trouble from. Those labeled troublemakers who have no shot at getting a different title. If you concentrate on the good they bring to life (if any) or start expecting good things from them, instead of bad things, there may be a new understanding of how they tick.
My past posts have been harping on being positive and staying away from people who are negative. But if they are a friend or some one you care about or someone you think needs help. Maybe that negative naysayer just needs an emotional boost or a shot of positive vibes from you. It could be that’s all they need to gain a better perspective on life and lessen their confrontational ways. Don’t write off those negative naysayers, give yourself a chance to learn from them and gain perspective on how the world views you. Use these experiences to further your life.
“A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out” -Anon
“ When things go right people stand behind you, when things go wrong you stand alone” -Max
Sifu Hayes
www.silentriverkungfu.com Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada

Communicating

When having a conversation do you stay in the here and now, and listen to exactly what the other person is saying. Or do you get lost in your own head and over analyze what the other person is saying and why they are saying it. Communication involves listening to the other person whether you agree with them or not. Good communication skills help us avoid conflict and solve problems.
Have you ever heard of the word self-talk, it is that talk that goes on inside your head the one that sorts out what you are going to say, based on what the other person has said and what you perceived they said. It also can interfere with your listening if your self-talk gets ahead of the conversation and prejudges and assumes what the other person is going to say.
We hear what we want to hear, and what we expect to hear. What came out of our mouth is not always what the other person hears. Also what came out of our mouth is not what we were thinking before we spoke.
We can’t listen to two people at the same time yourself and the other person. Also you can’t speak to someone and talk to yourself in your own head.
If you catch yourself doing this take a deep breath refocus, and give the other person the opportunity to clarify what they said.
Sifu Hayes
www.silentriverkungfu.com Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada

Over coming Frustration with Patience

Frustration is not the key to any door. The antidote to frustration is patience. If you want to practice patience go to a store check out and stand in the longest line, every thing goes wrong, if you are impatient the people in front of you can’t find their credit card, cashier can’t find the PC code so has to wait till someone brings the code, some ones credit card wont work in the swipe machine. It goes on and on, these things just seem to happen that slow you up. It is like the line has bad energy. What can you do to change the energy of that line? Try this! When some one comes up behind you let them go in front of you. That person feels so good and they will talk to you and express their gratitude they just can’t believe it, I some times wonder if they think some thing is wrong with you. But no, they will be very happy! Suddenly you are not pushy you are not anxious or angry and you will be very cheerful. Now watch what happens the line will probably speed up, and even pass the line next to you that is shorter. This technique can be used in all aspects of life.
Sifu Hayes
silentriverkungfu.com Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada

UBBT Update

I have been bike riding, a little over a hundred kilometers in the last few weekends between trails at Jasper and trails at Pigeon Lake also at home. Legs muscles are finally getting used to the pedaling, knees and hip are a problem but I am sure they will be OK. Goal is the sixteen hundred Kilometers of walk swim and ride bike. Pushups and crunches are still at par. Advanced Diving course is completed just have to get my picture in so I can get my card certificate. Going to try to get a couple more weekend dives in Jasper this year. My goal for Master McNeil’s Cane is to learn the Cane form to Black Belt level by the end of UBBT Seven.
Sifu Hayes
www.silentriverkungfu.com Stony Plain, Alberta, Canada